It was a beautiful early morning walk along a pristine white sand beach, on the Indian Ocean in Kenya. I loved those walks in the early am as the sun slowly protruded above the Eastern horizon. For a few moments time seemed to stand still. It was magical for sure. I don’t know if it was the multitude of gorgeous colors on the water and in the sky at that time of day, an artists or photographers delight, or the smell of the ocean, the newness of the day. Perhaps it was the exclusive moment. The ability to be alone and to enjoy one of the most beautiful places on earth. This was a solitary moment. No on else had been on the beach yet. Soon hundreds would walk this same course. The evening tide had wiped away any previous signs of human life from the day before. This was a moment in time to treasure.
As I walked along searching for some shells, or a piece of driftwood, I discovered an amazing site down the beach. There on its back and unable to move, was a youngish Leatherback Turtle. Examining it closely I discovered it was very much alive, just in a precarious posture, and vulnerable to predators, or any human who wanted to poach it for its meat. This turtle was not full grown, so I was able to reach down, grab it by the shell and gently turn it over. Almost instantly my new friend scampered quickly into the outgoing tide, to live another day.
That will always will be for me a visual of vulnerability. I am certain that if that turtle could have spoken, it would have exclaimed a hearty thank you! Until I had come along it was certainly doomed.
Brene Brown, in her best seller “Daring Greatly” pitches vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” It is the uneasy feeling that we experience when we choose to move out of our comfort zone, or when we momentarily lose control. And according to Brown we alone determine our level of vulnerability, at any moment, based on the context at hand. And we live our lives moving from one context to the next.
Clients are vulnerable when they go see the Therapist. Any of us going into a surgical procedure can feel helpless. Certainly, a visit to the dentist for a root canal excites our defensive meter. A young man when he asks his girl to marry him, faces a risky moment. A mother giving birth is hugely vulnerable for numerous reasons. Vulnerability and risk go hand in hand. Some people wait until the last minute to open and divulge an inner fear, a feeling, an uncomfortable experience, an emotionality. Others find it to easy, and unfortunately just open up and share what ever comes into their mind and to whoever. It could be argued that there should be a balance concerning the how, when, where, why, of emotional vulnerability. To be vulnerable suggests that we have engaged our self awareness, the ability to be in touch with one’s feelings with another and trusted human. Being vulnerable takes courage.
The antidote to shame is vulnerability. When we vocalize a shameful moment, a time when we felt deep shame, healing can emerge. This takes vulnerability, self exposure, and deep disclosure. Curt Thompson in his ground breaking book “The Soul of Shame” insists that the movement away from shame and towards vulnerability and healing, begins through being known. He writes;
“To be fully loved – and to fully love – requires that we are fully known.”
To be known is to be vulnerable, which can at times make us feel very alone. And again, it takes a risk. By sharing a shame story within a trusted context helps shame to become exposed. We hear ourselves sharing an area of shame that lies buried deep within us, and that has hugely affected our lives. Trusted people who listen to our story and who get to know that part of our lives, become a sounding board for that pain. This is in effect Talk Therapy. No fixing is necessary, just empathic listening.
Do you know someone who you trust and cares for you, who you can share a shame story with? Consider praying about sharing that event with them. It can be very emotionally cathartic and healing.
The Lord Jesus was the most vulnerable of all people. The physical and emotional sacrifice he offered for each of us, is in full evidence in the Easter story, and reverberates powerfully until this day through the scriptures. His example and risk taken for all of us, freed us for a positive future.
