For several years, I met regularly with a man who was seeking spiritual guidance. He would sometimes share his concerns for his family or his work, but mostly we discussed prayer – how to pray, when to pray, what to pray. He lamented his difficulty in setting a regular daily time for prayer: when praying at bedtime, he often fell asleep, “mid-petition”. When praying in the morning, he felt rushed and distracted, getting family to school and himself to work.
He also identified that he felt alone in his prayer – not alone from God so much but isolated from others. He loved Sunday worship but through the week, he missed the fellowship and shared prayer. In examining ways to minimize this sense of isolation, I suggested praying morning or evening prayer alongside a monastic community, that praying at the same time might offer a sense of inclusion. Again, the discipline of length and timing were challenges for him.
Some time later he told me what was most helpful was our agreement to pray for each other for a few minutes every day at 3 p.m. Regardless of where we were or what else we were doing we made a covenant to pray for each other. A lot of years have passed since we first made that pact. In fact, he’s moved to another province but I hear about him from neighbours. Despite the passage of time, I marvel at how often, when 3 p.m. rolls around, that a prayer for him still rises in my heart. The bond we forged over several years of partnering our prayer still carries on most mid-afternoons.
Having a “prayer partner” is not a new concept. The author of the ancient book of Ecclesiastes muses on the value of relationships: “It’s better to have a partner than go it alone . . . if one falls down, the other helps . . .” (Ecclesiastes 4: 9-10 The Message)
In the 7th century Aidan of Lindisfarne, an Irish monk, developed an effective ministry throughout Northumbria. His influence included the development of schools in which the monks could be formed in their faith. Upon entering a school, each of the brothers took on an “Anam Cara”. Anam Cara is a Gaelic word that means “supportive friend” or “soul friend” or “prayer partner”- one who accompanies another on their spiritual quest. Aidan counselled that such a partner relationship had a sustaining quality and would assist a brother’s faith to increase exponentially.
A prayer partner is a wonderful gift to give yourself today. Among the potential benefits a prayer partner can offer is:
- encouragement – affirm what you’re doing well and that you are loved.
- support – assist you to hang on when you’re discouraged
- accountability – help you remember and maintain your commitments
- strength – aid in carrying burdens
- focus – remind you that Jesus is able to meet our needs and answer our prayers
Prayer partnerships are a covenant relationship with the participants themselves determining “how” the partnerships are lived out. Clergy, spiritual directors, parish organizations, and friends are all good sources for leads on potential partnerships. Both the Anglican Church Women and the Mothers’ Union encourage similar prayerful pairings, for they strengthen both individuals and communities.
The parameters of such relationships can be as simple as my daily 3 p.m. prayer for my partner, or can be more complex. Each Tuesday evening, at 8 p.m., a friend who lives on the west coast “meets” me on Zoom for Compline. Granted, it is a little early for Compline, especially for her, but it’s the best time to connect with each other, given our full lives. After several years, we’ve become familiar with each other’s families and a wide range of church and community concerns. Following a brief “catch-up”, we share in Night Prayer, using the booklet produced by the Anglican Church of Canada. We alternate weekly, taking turns as officiant and reader of psalm and a Gospel. A place – a holy space really is created as we pray for each other aloud. This is a powerful experience and in it I am reminded that my friend, my partner in prayer, has truly heard the joys and concerns of my heart and offers them to God on my behalf. This experience has deepened my prayer – and our friendship.
Rev. Frances Drolet-Smith
Diocesan Representative, the Anglican Fellowship of Prayer
Photo by Phillip Goldsberry on Unsplash
