I was asked if I would be interested in writing about my thoughts on the Diocesan Times (November) article, Calling All Men. One focus was the apparent absence of men in efforts to address and eliminate gender-based violence (GBV), violence against women and girls in particular. Thoughtfully, I agreed to do so.
I taught history, mostly at the Junior High level, for over fifty years. History can teach one a lot about the role of gender e.g. Many Canadian First Nations were matrilineal. Through mothers, descent was passed down – wealth, power and inheritance.
You learn much more about the role of gender from junior high girls and boys. Especially now with matters of gender identity and sexual orientation being openly discussed.
For millennia most male/female roles/behaviours/attitudes have been determined by the culture into which persons were/are born. Included were gender-based roles. Women did this, men that. Alarmingly, there is much about roles concerning which we as individuals and/or societies too infrequently declare, “Wait! Let’s give that the critical eye”: Big boys don’t cry. The bride takes her husband’s name. What?! Female priests?! Practices such as these are ancient. Even though she was pharaoh, a very effective one, Egypt’s Queen Hatshepsut’s official statues and carvings show her wearing the pharaonic beard!
Today, Canadian women and men, in their many roles, – parents, co-workers, churchgoers, etc., live by gender models. Consciously and subconsciously. Not necessarily uniformly.
Recently I had my second appointment with a young, female physician. I regularly derail these visits by chat. I like calling people by their first name and my comfortable chats with her made me want to call her by her first name. I ask all doctors for permission first. Caringly, she said no. Why? Among her female colleagues, especially young females, it is felt that addressing them as Doctor is necessary to establish their legitimacy as doctors, especially with men.
How are cultural practices transmitted? Mimicking is one answer. I once had a student whose voice caught my attention: “What is there about that voice?” Later his Dad came for Parent-Teacher Interviews. In junior high I had walked to school with him! His son unwittingly, copied spoken language as he heard it. No intention on the Dad’s part or his. Just think what else children see and hear, including domestic violence.
Above I have aimed to establish context. All women, men and children live and grow in powerful cultural contexts: family, community, and country. That creates within us the very best and the very worst. Violence against women and girls, primarily by men, is among the very worst. In Canada it is at its worst in Nova Scotia.
I will not repeat the grim details of the November article. Rather, I shall offer examples of positive action and change that show that our culture need not be static. When it comes to gender-based roles, women, men and youth are integral to change. In the case of GVB, men especially are called to advocate for change. But change can take decades. And not everyone buys into change.
In my 78 years: With both parents working young dads, in many families, have taken a far greater role in parenting and “domestic management”. They bring sharing and relief to their partners and much added joy to them and the children in their lives, publically and in private; hugging, kissing, comforting the crying boy who fell off his bike. Children are more exposed to male lifestyles fashioned by love, respect, and responsibility.
Canada, including Nova Scotia, has done much for the acceptance and integration of diverse personal identities and relationships. Expansion of the original LGBTQ acronym indicates, I feel, that a majority is open to the re-examination of our social cultures, to the point of enshrining change both in law and in personal practice.
The young are finding voices: Pink Shirt Day, Outfest queer theatre festival. Transgender youth lead public discussion. Trafficked young women are speaking out. Critically, the not as young have opened their ears and hearts to these voices, providing platforms upon which they may express their views.
Proactive leaders in Indigenous, African Canadian, and cultural heritage communities, and marginalized groups such sex workers, of their own accord and with help from the public media, have found the courage to stand up, be counted and define ways forward that can ease the burdens of oppression, racism, poverty, and marginalization. Women especially are victimized under those conditions.
The Avalon Sexual Assault Center, Bryony House, Adsum House: the services provided by these safe havens did not exist in the past. Change through action.
Change does and will occur. As Ecclesiastes states, “For everything there is a season.” We have made progress. When things are extreme, however, such as the level of gender-based violence, change cannot happen soon enough.
John Stone,
Diocesan Mothers’ Union Member
